I hit an all-time low as a pet owner today.

Although it was an accident, what happened has left me feeling absolutely terrible.

Moose is fine physically. Mentally? I’m not sure he’ll ever fully recover.

It all started while I was vacuuming under our couches. I had the long nozzle attachment out & was on my hands and knees making sure I got every last bit.

The dogs are all obsessed with the vacuum. They normally follow me around, trying to attack it, and act like it’s their mortal enemy. It’s something we’re working on.

But today, the boys were being good & not reacting to it!

Then there’s Squirrel… she would not leave me alone. So at one point I pointed the hose toward her to scare her off. Instead, she thought it was a game. She’d jump back dramatically, then come bouncing right back for more.

And yes, I know I shouldn’t have encouraged it, but I did. For a minute, I started playing with her - chasing her around with the vacuum hose while she hopped all over the place like a feral crack rabbit.

Meanwhile, Chomper and Moose were both nearby, sound asleep & minding their business.

Well.

At one point, Squirrel jumped toward Moose to get away from me. I pointed the hose down towards the floor & started slowly creeping it in her direction, still trying to play with her.

I wasn’t paying any attention to Moose because, again, he was just laying there taking a nap and not bothering a soul. Vulnerable. Completely unaware that he was about to experience a level of violation no living creature should ever have to endure.

What happened next, I will never forgive myself for.

As the hose got close, Moose suddenly yelped. At first I thought maybe I’d bumped his foot or caught some fur.

NOPE.

For context: he was only neutered about two weeks ago, so things down there are still a little… loose. Floppy, if you will.

And when I glanced down, I realized I had accidentally vacuumed up his freshly deflated scrotum.

I am DEAD SERIOUS right now.

I only wish I was kidding.

I shut the vacuum off immediately, and thankfully he was released without any actual injury.

But as for Moose? He’s been giving me the cold shoulder ever since.

And to be completely honest… I absolutely deserve it.

The vacuum may have let go, but Moose never will.